1000 Questions Married Couples Should Ask before “I do”
What if you had asked your husband or wife 1000 questions before you got married?Ā What kinds of premarital counseling or classes for couples did you take if any?
Although I have a lot of issues with the Catholic Church stances on many issues, one modern practice that is to be commended is their practice of classes for couples before getting married.Ā Ā How much do couples really dive in deep and ask uncomfortable questions about how they will live their lives together.Ā Do couples ask each other things like what temperature would you ideally want the house to be set at in winter and summer?Ā Another resource I love is 1000 questions before Marriage, which is a book that lists all kinds of questions like the ones below.Ā It also gives guidelines on when to ask the questions.
Other men and women have been shocked to learn what their mate thought about sex, religion, careers, household work, money and the future. In fact, many of these differences have led couples to divorce court. Married couples could cut down on a lot of their clashes if they knew more ab
out their mateās thoughts, beliefs and emotions. The best way to get to really know someone is with questions.
You need to use a certain amount of wisdom with these 1,000 questions. Someone who has just begun dating shouldnāt accelerate the relationship by starting off with questions on marriage and sex.
Obviously, you wouldn’t ask this to someone unless you are in a committed relationship or close to having one but at what point is it appropriate to start to bring these issues up?Ā How can you really know someone’s lifeĀ values, beliefs without really having deep conversations about them or having to experience them directly when you are thrust in the situation?
1000 Questions for Couples Before You Say āI Doā
How often do you think we should take a vacation?Ā Would we take it just the two of us or would we leave the kids with grandparents or baby-sitters so we can just focus on the two of us?Ā Once we have kids, how often will we plan on having a date night with no kids?
What about the sensitive subject of in-laws?Ā How close or far away or close will we live from our families?Ā How involved do we want them to be in events like weddings, christianings, how we raise our kids, baby-sitting our kids?Ā Do we need them to call before they come overĀ ( if they live close by) or is it ok if they just knock on the door?Ā What kind of boundaries do we want with our extended families?Ā If we live far away, how often will we travel out to see them?Ā How often do we want them to come over and visit us?Ā Will they stay with us or at a hotel?
What about religion?Ā Will one of us convert?Ā Who will that be and how will that be decided?Ā Ā If the other does not convert, how do celebrate religious holidays?Ā If the holidays falls around the same time such as Easter and passover or hanukkah and Christmas, how do we celebrate them?Ā For our kids, how do we teach them about both of our faiths?Ā Are we going to send our children to religious school?Ā What priority do religious holidays have in our lives?
What about money?Ā Will we share bank accounts or maintain separate ones?Ā Do we also have a joint account?Ā If there is a primary breadwinner does that person have more power and control over the household finances or do we share that equally?Ā Do we set a monthly budget?Ā Ā How much savings will we have every month?Ā If one of us has a lot of debt do we pay that off jointly or individually?Ā Ā Ā How do we decide how to spend our money each month?Ā Should we run major purchases by each other first?Ā How do we decide what a major purchase is?
What about where to live?Ā Do we want to live in a house, condo or apartment?Ā Do we want to live in a more urban area, more suburban area or out in the countrywide? Do we want to live part of the time in one city and have a vacation home in another city or country?Ā Will we do our own yard-work or hire someone to do gardening?Ā How important is it to us that our house is in top condition?Ā Do we want to spend money on major repairs so that our house is always in top condition or is that less of a priority?Ā Will we do some repairs ourselves like painting and refinishing or will we hire someone to help us with that?
What about your social life?Ā Do we like to go out a lot to to restaurants, bars, dancing, movies and other cultural events or are we going to focus on savings and business matters and sacrifice going out as much?Ā How late do we like to stay out?Ā Do we like to go out just the two of us or do we prefer to go out with friends and family?Ā How often do we want to socialize with close friends and family?
What about health and wellness matters?Ā Are we going to spend more time and money on eating healthy and staying fit or are we going to relax in our off time and get prepared food and take-out?Ā Who is going to do the cooking and how will we decide that?Ā What kinds of foods do we want to eat on a regular basis?Ā Ā Does one of us have any dietary restrictions and how accommodating will our mate be to them?
1000 Questions Before You Get Married
What about pets?Ā Do we have any allergies to pet?Ā If yes, then are you prepared to give up an animal or not have a certain kind of animal for your partner? Ā If we adopt a pet, what kind ofĀ pet will we adopt?Ā How do we figure out how to share in taking care of it?Ā How much of a priority will out pet be?Ā Ā Do we plan our day, vacations around our pet or take them with us?Ā If our pet starts to get sick will we invest a lot of money in taking care of it? Ā Ā Will out pet sleep in our bed with us?Ā Are they allowed up on the furniture?
I believe a lot less couples would get divorced (or even not marry each other in the first place) if they actually knew each other well enough before they got married.
What are your thoughts on pre-marital counseling? What do you wish you had asked before you had gotten married?Ā Post your thoughts on our Facebook page.
Jasmine Kaloudis teaches many marriage retreats near PhiladelphiaĀ as well as romantic poses for couplesĀ and is the author of the best spiritual websites list.
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